dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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