:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
