watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
