Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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