I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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