dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
