Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
