Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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