I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
