I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
