Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
please don't ironically join a cult
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