you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
