god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize