DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
