So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
