we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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