Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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