And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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