i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
