Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
