The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
