I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
