Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
