Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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