Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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