my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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