I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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