He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
