Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
