I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
