yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
