He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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