so explain again why im purple
no
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
