JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm at about main and main street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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