just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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