i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
