Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
