After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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