It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize