...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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