Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
