textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
