just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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