fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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