sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
