Got a toothbrush?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
