I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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