he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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