shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
