my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
