I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
