what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize