do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vagina is very pro this idea
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize