I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize