well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize