mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
