No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
