her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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