um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
