I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
