All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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