So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
