So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
