do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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