i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
