Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
