You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
