haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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