I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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