You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
